No rest for the wicked

Three hours from now, I'll have been a nonsmoker for six days. See how I did that, messing with the present and future tenses or whatever the hell they're called? Aspiring writers, take note.

I'm using nicotine gum as well as Allen Carr's "Easyway" book. I may have written about Carr before--he's a former 3-pack-a-day smoker who owns a bunch of quit-smoking clinics in Europe, but he's largely unknown here. The first time I read Carr's book, I quit smoking accidentally--no lie. Anyway, the book fades in effectiveness somewhat, with repeated readings, and since the quit-smoking program I contacted offered free nicotine gum, I thought "why not?".

I'm pleased to report that I have almost no desire to ever smoke again. The gum takes care of the actual physical cravings, while the book reassures me that I'm not actually missing out on anything. So far so good. I think one additional, err, asset is that I'm emotionally dead inside. For those of you who've quit in the past, you know it can be quite emotional as your brain tries every possible way to get you to agree to suck on a cancer stick again. I frankly just don't give a fuck anymore, about anything, so when the brain winds up and prepares to pitch a fit, another part of my brain is like, "throw it on the pile, bitch."

Oh, another thing about the gum: Some of you know that I gave up cigars some years ago because I hated getting into a long-term relationship with a 45-minute cigar. I just wanted that quick 4 minute cigarette fix and then I could move on with my life. Well, I'm starting to feel the same way about the gum. It's 20-30 minutes of chewing and keeping it tucked, and I'm just like, well, I've got shit to do. So that will probably be my exit plan from the gum.

One of the things I was unprepared for, with the giving up of the coffee, and the internet porn, and the cigarettes, is how much extra time I had in my day. At 20 cigarettes per day, that's over an hour and a half of just sitting on the front porch, puffing away. Internet porn used to suck up another 0-120 minutes per day, I suppose (hey, I freely admit to being a perv, fuck off), with maybe 30-40 being the average. OK, so take all that time, then add to it the fact that I can only sleep 6 hours a night, where once I relished a full 8-9 hours, and I've got a shitload of extra time available. Boy, does it suck.

I'm awake, but I can't focus on anything. I have recreational things to do, but I don't enjoy anything. I don't want to hang out with anyone, or do anything with anyone. My only remaining vice is beer (well, and narcissism), but I don't drink that until after 8 o'clock. I can't nap, due to whatever withdrawal symptoms. Honestly, I don't know what to do with all of this extra time. I'm going to have to get a dead-end job or something.

Honestly, I'm not complaining. I mean, it's not like anyone can do anything about it. I just expect that the insomnia and the emotional flatline are just part of the process and will pass eventually. It sure is annoying in the meantime, however.