So I quit jerking off to internet porn...

Or anything else, actually, 22 days ago. Believe me, for the past week, I've tried to come up with a more delicate way to write that opening sentence, but I couldn't find a way to do it without being overly euphemistic. I was inspired to do this by a subreddit on reddit.com, r/nofap. That's not exactly true. I was inspired by several different sources, but the one I'm willing to talk about publicly is /nofap.

What's up with /nofap? The movement was started by people who were inspired by this incredibly boring TEDx video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wSF82AwSDiU.

While boring, the guy does make a good point: Sex involves another person, or people, sweat, pheromones, and a tremendous sense of well-being after orgasm. Internet porn involves none of that, just release, lethargy, and possibly a slinking sense of shame afterwards. Which kind of experience would you rather have?

The /nofap people also promise a whole smorgasbord of other benefits: More energy, better self-confidence, better work performance, more free time, more hard drive space, 50% testosterone increase after a week, etc. I have a history, documented here, of doing dumber health-related things, plus I thought it was time to re-boot my sexuality, so I decided to give it a shot. My results so far:

I do have a lot more energy, but it's not the energy that you want to have. It's not a joyous "Yay, I'm awake!" type energy, rather a mean buzz-saw energy that gets me out of bed cranky and ready to punch something. I wake up every morning at 7:30 (no matter what time I went to bed), and the voices in my head sound exactly like Natalie Portman rapping: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v8e6-IeQ0aw

I was actually so 'roided up the other day that I wanted to rape a rhinocerous. Not because I wanted my penis inside of a rhino, but because I thought it would be a good challenge. Consequently, I've been working out nearly every day to burn off some of that energy, which takes the edge off for a while. Thank god I quit drinking coffee at the same time or I'd have gone on a killing spree by now.

In addition to more energy, I also can't concentrate on anything. My brain is in a constant fog. If my writing seems a little less, err, florid on this entry, that's why. Or maybe it's the drastic reduction in my caffeine intake. I don't even know anymore. So I'm physically energetic but mentally tired all the time. Awesome.

Other promised side effects I've noticed: Increased self-confidence? Check. Better work peformance? Check. Inspiration to actually get out of the house and get laid? Check.

All in all, I'd say the experience is remarkably similar to quitting smoking, which I'll be doing (AGAIN) here shortly. I'm on day 22 of /nofap and have another 68 days to go in the challenge.

PS: I quit coffee, kind of accidentally, to remove a trigger that causes me to smoke. I now have 2 cups of green tea in the morning (still caffeinated, but not the angry buzz-saw caffeination that coffee has) and an occasional Mountain Dew while working (so, 3 sodas a week).