Ex-smoker Update, Day 87

Or maybe it's day 88, I'm not really sure. I have a magical counter on Reddit that tells me, but I forgot to look at it today. Things seem to have settled down somewhat, emotionally, although I'm running on pure anxiety from noon-9pm every day. You know how meth is such an awesome experience that it eventually burns out the pleasure centers of your brain and leaves you unable to feel joy ever again? Well, I don't either, but that's what "they" say, and if I can't trust the Government and the Media to give me honest information about illicit drugs, who can I trust? But I digress... I sure wish that would happen with the anxiety center of my brain. You'd think that running on 4-alarm adrenaline for weeks on end would eventually stop, but after 2 cups of coffee, my brain locks the doors and floors it and I'm stuck in a 1980s car chase movie until nighttime. Exercise helps for a while, but I can't just stop my day every hour and a half and do a 20 minute workout. I'm going with the term "ex-smoker" rather than "nonsmoker", as the way I understand it, a nonsmoker is someone who never smoked and to whom the idea of sucking on a cigarette is absurd, while an ex-smoker still gets cravings after meals, first thing in the morning, etc. Being an ex-smoker really sucks the dick, but it sucks less than being a current smoker. It sucks a tiny amount less every day, to the extent that it seems like I'm not really making progress at all, until I turn around and look at where I was 2 weeks or a month ago. Completely insane, apparently. My sense of smell has now improved to the point where I can smell other peoples' bad breath from 2 or 3 feet away. Yay me. Thankfully I've had a nasty cold for the last few days so I've gotten a reprieve from smelling things. I still get mood swings, ranging from rage to despair. You know where the needle never stops? Joy. Relaxation. Well-being. Lori said a couple of weeks ago that she didn't think that it was so much "my time" to quit smoking as it was that I was just being incredibly stubborn and refusing to smoke. The mood swings have lessened somewhat in intensity and frequency, however. I do take pleasure in the fact that I have deprived the State of Minnesota over $130 in excise and sales taxes in the last 3 months, and the feds are short $43.50. Any other benefits, like a reduced chance of stroke, are too abstract for me to really have any feelings about.